Wednesday, July 30, 2008

day 2...on a roll

This is good. I'm on a roll now. I'm not really sure why it took me so long to get into the groove of blogging. We'll see how long I keep this up once law school starts. :)

Today's topic: cleaning.

Why is it that cleaning can give us such a sense of inner peace? Okay, so maybe not everyone gets this feeling, but some of us do. So go with it.

Today, I sat in my apartment, after having woken up at 5:20 this morning to catch a flight home from Columbus, and all I could think about as I was laying on my sofa was "I really need to move that magazine over. It's out of place." No, I wasn't thinking "I'm so exhausted, I just need to take a nap" or "hmm, I wonder what mindless show is coming on television next?" No, I couldn't rest because I kept looking around the apartment thinking about how I needed to clean up the boxes of kitchen tools my parents brought me and how I needed to vaccum the carpet (it's amazing how a clean carpet makes a room look bigger...that's a whole different blog). Is it because I am a self-proclaimed "Type A" personality or is there some deeper reason? I'm no psychologist or anything, but I do believe that there is some kind of deeper meaning behind the need to be orderly.

(Lesson prepared)

It's such a strange paradox, the need to feel orderly. When it comes down to it, it really is just all about control. Life is full of circumstances beyond our control, so toward what do we tend to gravitate? The things which we can control. But let's think about it...are we really controlling anything? (the answer is no) I think sometimes about how chaotic my life is and in fact, I used to have real anxiety issues (still do) due to these issues of chaos. I ask myself, however, "self, why are you trying to control things?" I have to constantly remind myself that it's okay to not always know what's going on. One of my favorite Bible verses is "A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How, then, can anyone understand his own way?" I love that verse because it reminds me that I don't have to try to control things when I'm feeling chaotic.

My discipler in college used to do something that I have adopted and, to this day, still re-enact from time to time. Whenever one of the girls in our Bible study would be stressing about something, my discipler would just hold out her arms, palms down, wiggle her fingers and say "let it go." Sounds silly, I know. But it really is a good reminder of how we have to live our lives. Sometimes we just have to let it go and remember that God just happens to be a bazillion times more competent than we are to handle stuff, so let's just give it over. He wants it! What a relief.

So, today, I encourage you to wiggle those fingers and let it go. It's a freedom beyond explanation to hand the "stuff of life" over to God.

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