Sunday, October 3, 2010

living God

I'm a small town girl. Nearly 3 years ago, I moved to a big city. What has happened to my heart since I moved here, I am sad to say, is that through the cycle of deeply hurting for people who desperately need Jesus to feeling desensitized to all the people who beg and lie and hurt, my heart has become a little hardened. No, I don't think I'm some soulless person, and yes, I still seek to live out God's plan for me each day. But here's what my heart desires: to live a life that is wholeheartedly, authentically, 100% sold out to Jesus. I want to hurt for people who are hurting. I want to need for people who are needing. I want to walk down Michigan Avenue and talk to the people who sit there begging people to give them what they need to sustain life. For years I feel like I have hidden from the tough stuff. I have convinced myself that praying for people is enough, that talking with them and telling them that my heart yearns for them to know my Jesus is something I could only do in certain situations with certain people at certain times (never here, never that person, and never now). While I talk often with my very close friends about the joy of the Lord, I have lived in fear of boldly sharing the wonderful news of my Jesus because I have cared too much what people think. I am so thankful that God has reminded me that I am a stranger here, that this place is not my home and that because of that truth, I don't have to shy away.

A truth about me is that I get overwhelmed sometimes. I often fail to commit for fear of becoming too overwhelmed by my own inadequacies. I often get frustrated and fail to take action because I feel as though the task is just entirely more than I can handle. As I go into this final year of law school, I am praying that God will teach me to live one day at a time and to trust that everything about Him is sufficient for anything I could need for that one day. I have been so humbled by God's lessons to me lately that fortunately, the world is in His hands and not mine. He has created me to play a very special role in a very special place at a very special time. I don't always know what that is, but I am hopeful, because for the first time in a long time I am getting to see the world as God sees it. Praise Jesus :)


  1. whenever you get overwhelmed or discouraged, think back to that year we spent in Couch 513W. i am forever changed because you shared your faith with me! God can (and will) use you even when you think you aren't equipped. keep sharing!

  2. It's funny that you posted this because this is something that I have been struggling with myself. I see others around me profess their faith so freely and openly outside of the church, yet I sometimes struggle with just getting the courage to stand and testify to what God has done for me inside the church walls. I want to share but I am always worried that I won't have the right words or that it's not the right time. I came across this verse when I was reading this morning and it gave me a lot of comfort. Next time I feel moved to share God's love but start feeling scared or inadequate I am going to try to remember this passage. Luke 21:13-15 "And it shall turn to you for a testimony.Settle it therefore in your hearts, not to meditate before what ye shall answer: For I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which all your adversaries shall not be able to gainsay nor resist."